your mom made me…

i’m going to africa…can you believe it?!?!  you’ll get to see and hear more of the journey as it unfolds but the bottom line is – i’m going because your mom is making me.  well, not entirely…we both feel like this time is unique for a few reasons which i’ll get to in a moment, but she is the one that drew a line in the sand and said “you have to go.”

so, holiday and i have been battling (discussing) for 3 years now whether or not to have more kids.  she is absolutely capable of being an incredible mom to a baker’s dozen while i struggle to die to my self enough to be a decent husband and father to the 3 of you guys.  while i have been unwavering on my biological (notice the word “logical“) kid stance, about a year ago we watched our good friends go through an adoption journey and for whatever reason, i caught myself being somewhat open to the idea.  we’ve been discussing (not battling) the idea ever since and while we have no clear answers on who, where, or when, we have pursued conversations with other families that have adopted and what their journey has been like…

God continues to shape and transform my mind and heart, challenging me to become a more passionate follower of Jesus, loving my neighbor in practical ways, being the life of the church lived out in community.  i don’t want to be responsible for leading and influencing a generation of believers that waste time like i did – eternity secure, knowing about Jesus, building a compartmentalized life that hides behind a cloak of spiritual acts, checking all the right spiritual boxes and leaving the hard work of practically loving and serving to others…

we have amazing church partners in africa…relationships that have grown even deeper this past year as we acknowledged and began dying to our american arrogance, learning and receiving from them as well as teaching and giving.  we have so much to learn from them about what a church in the community, for the community looks like…

i realize this is pretty vague and messy, but it seems that’s the way much of life is.  i’m going because i (we) believe God will speak into not just these areas, but challenge me in ways i can’t even begin to see or predict.  and you know what…

i’m scared.

i’m scared of what i will see and how it will break me…i’m scared of what i’ll experience and how it will change me…i’m scared of what God will say and how it will challenge me. i’m scared of all of this because i think my life is about to get more uncomfortable, and i will have to become more courageous…